My New Identity

I recently went through this really painful time where I was so aware of all the ways I had lived outside God's kingdom before I was baptized, all the negative things I had done or partook in, and all the darkness I had let enter my spirit.  I was walking around feeling so pained, so spiritually clear, but so pained at the same time.  Nothing would really ease the pain.  But then I remembered something!  I am a new person in Christ.  When I got baptized I became a Latter-Day Saint.  When I think of this, all the pain goes away.  I am not my past, I am my present.  I remember in Conference how much one of the Apostles kept saying that part of being free of addictions or sins was "don't look back".  I was looking back compulsively all day!  No wonder I was not feeling good.  Also, in prayer I got the message that everyone who gets baptized with the Holy Spirit would look back and feel pain about their previous life.  You gain a spiritual clarity that can see from this vantage point the darkness, that we are blind to before we are baptized.  Particularly in this day and age, most of our society is living in sin and darkness and are blind to it's corruption on our spirits, so everyone would feel pain once baptized if they focused on their past.  

Now I realize that I need to focus on my new identity.  I am a Latter-Day Saint woman.  This is my new and true identity.  When I focus on this I feel very happy, and filled with light and the Spirit.  I had an insight today regarding why perhaps the Saints needed to go  to Salt Lake.  That perhaps this was part of them leaving behind their old lives, their old identities.  As they had to band together and cross the US and build new communities, new homes, build Zion together, this strengthened them in their new identities, as Latter-Day Saints.  They literally had to let go of all the old, by having to leave, but having it all taken from them.  Despite the pain of this, I can see the value of this too.  They really did get to start whole new lives, and be whole new people with all new stuff, in a brand new land.  I didn't move from my city, although the Lord did place me in a whole new neighbourhood.  I can see now why that was meant to happen for me.  But in my case I need to keep my focus on, and truly claim my new identity.  I am a Latter-Day Saint, and everytime I say it, it makes me smile and makes me feel totally free of the past.  My baptism was the step into my new life.  Now I need to embrace my new life and new identity, cherish it, relish it and live it. 

I now fully embrace and live as the Latter-Day Saint that I am.  As I do this, I am filled with the glory, light, love and Spirit of Heaven.  As I do this I truly live as my true self, what I was born to be.  In Jesus name Amen!