Our Freedom

Today I read something really interesting that changed how I saw my relationship to the Spirit.  Elder E. Bednar one of the 12 Apostles in our time, said it is not the Holy Spirit that moves away from us when we are partaking in something that offends the Spirit, it is us who move away from the Spirit.  We use our agency (free will) to either go towards the Spirit or away from it depending on whether the thing we are doing and going towards has the Spirit or doesn't. It is us who is moving one way or the other. 

I have not heard it put that way.  For me that feels more empowering, and also puts the responsibility on me.  Once we are baptized and confirmed we have the Holy Spirit with us always, it does not go anywhere.  But we can move away from it or towards it by the choices we make.  The good news is we can come back of course.  The bad news is if we get use to living with out the presence of the Holy Spirit, then we don't notice it's absense after awhile.  For me I accutely feel when I have moved away from the Spirit.  Because it feels sooooo happy, peaceful, amazing to experience the Spirit, like out of a fairy tale, it feels really really bad when I don't feel the Spirit.  

When I didn't have the Spirit, I knew I was missing something, I can remember walking around the rooms of other spiritual paths, or churches I belonged to and feeling the hole, feeling the emptiness, but I didn't know what it was I was missing.  But now that I have experienced the Spirit and felt the complete relief, joy, peace, indescribable happiness, it feels really awful to not feel the Spirit.  Such a horrible, devestating loss feeling.  I think it is very important to be clear about what things have the Spirit and what do not.  Then we can make good choices to use our agency to go towards the things that help us to experience the Spirit and go away from the things that would take us away from the Spirit.  Addictions can be a problem, because they can feel like they have so much control over us. 

The more we feed addictions the more they take on a life of their own.  They can feel like they have power and control over us.  But through Jesus Christ we can take our power back.  The more we fill ourselves with the Spirit and do the things the General Authorities have asked us to do, read scripture daily, pray twice a day, move towards the things of the Spirit the more we do have armor against the adversary and the addictions that can take us away down into misery. 

I know if we ask for help we get it.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want nothing more than that we succeed in life, that we are our happiest and highest versions of ourselves.  That is why we were given the Holy Spirit to help us as we navigate our way through this life safely and happily.  We are meant to live empowered and nothing empowers us more than the Holy Spirit.  What a gift!  We are so blessed! 

I now consciously move towards the things of the Spirit and fill myself up with these things, knowing that I have the freedom to choose the things that keep the presence, power and incredible joy of the Spirit with me! 

How Can We Be Truly Healthy?

Recently when I was struggling with a problem, I could really feel what it is like to feel separate from God.  I realized that this is what depression, and anxiety is.  I use to be clinically depressed, it started when I was 18.  I remember the moment it started in fact.  Those with limited understanding will say that what causes depression or anxiety is brain chemistry.  Yes our brain chemistry does change when we get depressed or anxious, this is not a cause but a result.  Then there are those who only approach it from a psychological place, seeing it as only an emotional problem.  Again yes emotions are brought down into darkness and/or put into fear which is what happens when we are depressed or anxious.  However, again this is not the cause, but a result.  The cause of these experiences comes from doing things that create spiritual pain, separation from God and living in any way that is out of alignment with our spirits. 

Our spirits are happy, peaceful, loving, pure, innocent and divine.  When we think, speak, participate in anything that is out of alignment with our spirits and these qualities, our spirits feel upset.  When we continue to do these things for a long time, that is what causes depression and anxiety.  That is what depression and anxiety truly is.  An upset spirit.  

When we allow in darkness through some kind of means, our spirits do not at all feel comfortable with darkness, and in fact will feel a lot of pain and fear, even panic if we are immersing ourselves in darkness.  

At this point in our society in the name of "realism" darkness has become normal.  Our movies, TV shows, books, art of all kinds are almost not seen as deep, intellectually advanced or even exciting  if they are not dark in some way.  Of course this is nothing more than the adversary trying to get an audience, infiltrating our minds, hearts and bodies with his negativity.  

Unfortunately now it is almost inescapable.  We have become so numb and desensitized that what was considered shocking and repulsive even a few years ago, is now considered acceptable.  Yet our spirits which are made in the image and likeness of Heavenly Father, which is made of light and all the qualities of Heaven are completely horrified by all this darkness.  It is totally hurt by it and yes panicked by it.  This is what depression and anxiety really is.  Recently Heavenly Father showed me exactly what happened when I was 18.  When I became clinically depressed and filled with anxiety it was a result of years of living outside of God's Kingdom and out of alignment with my spirit.  It was from years of me living in darkness and partaking in darkness both in the world, and even in my own thoughts and words.  

It took 9 years to heal most of this.  I learned that I had created the depression and anxiety myself by being a negative person and by living in the darkness I lived in.  I healed this by me having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and by me embracing the light that He is, and immersing myself in His light, following him, leading a life that was about living in the goodness that He demonstrated.  I took my focus off of the negativity that I use to indulge in, and onto the light of God.  As I did this, I started to live in Heavenly Father's Kingdom again, and my spirit got happy and became peaceful.

  Now at that time I had not found the full Gospel or the restored church, and I knew I was still not totally in the right place.  It was a step in the right direction.  I was trying to get back into alignment with my spirit, and with God.  

However, now I have found what had been seeking for since I was a child.  What my spirit longed for all along.  Heavenly Father has showed me it is a pretty simple formula.  If we live in the true light of Heaven on earth, with our thoughts, with our words, or actions, what we partake in, we feel happy and peaceful, we are close to Him, we are aligned with our spirits, our spirits are then very happy.  If we don't, are spirits are not happy and then feel upset.  If we continue over a long time to upset our spirits, we then get depressed and feel chronic anxiety.  All of this is about separation from the light of our spirits and from the light of God and Heaven.  That is why we can not toy with immorality or the dark, and think it is no big deal.  It is very serious, and at first can feel like it has little consequences, but if we continue we will wake up one day and realize that the dark path we kept walking down has now taken us very far away from home, where we are not sure how to get back.  

If we reach out to Jesus Christ He will lead us back, but we do have to repent (turn back to God) and we do need to reach out.  We all have imperfections, issues, addictions, problems that can take us down wrong roads, so we need to constantly we reaching out for His help.  We need to ask for the removal of these things, and continuously ask what we can do to help our problems transform, or cease to be.  We need to stay as close as we can to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ through daily scripture reading, prayer, holy music, the Ensign magazine, LDS books and movies, going to church, and hanging out with people who are members so we can feel the Spirit and be supported in living a Gospel life.  Our spirits are pure joy, and need the light to experience this joy.  Our spirits only feel healthy and happy living in the light. 

I live my life in alignment with my Divine nature, my true spirit.  I embrace the Gospel, and stay close to Heavenly Father and the Savior Jesus Christ.  I immerse my thoughts, words, and actions in the beautiful light of Heaven, knowing it is in this light, goodness and love that my spirit is happy, healthy on all levels and is at home! 

God-The Balance

When I was 26 and in College I had a classmate in Design class that said something pretty interesting to me about God.  She said that most people are imbalanced in regards to God.  Some just see God as judging, angry, filled with wrath and a pretty scary person that makes people want to just run the other direction.  This God is only about justice.   It would seem that a lot of people reject God or the notion of God because of these ideas.  

Then there are others who only see God as love.  From their stand point because God is only about love, then He understands everything they do, never judges, so nothing is good or bad, wrong or right etc.   He is all mercy and compassion.  This God has become the most popular in recent years. In some religions and spiritual paths God isn't even a person anymore, but a power that we can control and manipulate as we please.  

Then she said that God was the balance of both.  Yes He is love, he is merciful, compassionate etc. but also that He is just, He does judge He does expect us to act in goodness, love, righteousness.  There are standards in which He wants people to live up to, or at least try to.  That He does feel angry when people sin and hurt themselves or others.  

Both are true, and both are what God is.  At the time I definitely didn't want to hear this.  I balked at what she said and dismissed it, because I didn't want to think God judged me, that there was a good and a bad, a right and a wrong.  I wanted to see God as only love and accepting of whatever I did.  No judgment or consequences.  Even though I dismissed what she said, it always stayed with me.  Now 20 years later I have come to an understanding, and experience of God, that validates exactly what she said.  She was right.  I now know that she was speaking the truth about God back then.  I probably knew it in my spirit but didn't want to admit it then.  To live in true happiness in our spirits, having this understanding of God is paramount.  If we are imbalanced one way or the other we are not having a full relationship with him.  

It is important that we understand the whole truth of God not just a partial one.  Seeing God as only an angry, scary, judgmental tyrant definitely will make us run away, want to deny his existence, will hamper us from having a true connection with him.  Seeing him only as love, a love that is easy going, overly permissive, with no standards of how we are to live then really allows the adversary into our lives.  We can see how that goes when we are around parents who treat their children this way.  

Much like having a passive parent, we then are vulnerable to the dark, destructive things in life getting a hold on us, luring us into thinking that all is well, as we are being slowly pulled down into spiritual and even temporal suffering.  By understanding that God does have standards of goodness we are to follow and live by, we are then kept quite safe if we truly dedicate our selves to following these standards.  We aren't perfect and will slip up for sure, but at least if our intention is there, then we do have the potential to live the best lives we were born to live.  God knows are intentions and knows if  we have the intention of living righteously or not, He will help us through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.  

He does love us and wants us to have the greatest happiness we can have.  That is true love.  Love that knows what is good and what is not, and knows we are happiest when we live in goodness.  I am finding that understanding this balance is really helping me have a close intimate relationship with God, and also is helping me to live the best life I can live.  It is helping me to live in goodness.

  We do cause a distance with God when we live outside goodness, righteousness, the commandments He has laid out for us.  But God wants us to be close and wants us to feel close just as any parent does.  The closeness is up to us, how sincere and pure our intentions are make the difference.  Understanding that God is our Father in Heaven, that He is goodness and can truly accept nothing less, and that He will help us succeed in living in goodness if we are sincerely trying to.  He does not want us to suffer, perish, get lost, be separated from Him.  He wants us to have the most loving relationship with Him as possible.  We want that too.  This is our greatest desire in our spirits.  If we can remember this, we will live in a way that truly brings us close to Him.  The things we struggle with that keep us feeling separate we can seek spiritual help for. 

That is good news!

Today I understand the balance of God being both love and justice.  I sincerely have the intention to live in the goodness, commandments and standards that God has for us.  As I struggle with certain parts of this, I seek the help and healing of the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ. 

Reaching For Heaven

I was reaching for Heaven, because I knew in my spirit that I had another home.
Different from the one that calls my name so sweetly through the ocean waves, through the whispering grass, through the rain that cares little about time.

My soul could not be still, I suffered with a restlessness that only some seem to know.
I felt I had come close sometimes, but yet I could tell I was still lost at sea,
I tried to sleep, and make merry so as to not feel the emptiness of my heart.

No matter how I tried, I had to keep searching for the treasure that I knew had given birth somewhere in the stars. 
Then one day when I thought the road had ended, I was pointed to a bright sun, just down the way
Weary from my travels, and my disappointments, excited, yet so afraid I'd find another mirage I walked with caution. 
I felt my spirit begin to tremble as I felt the brilliant light, was pierced by the joy, immersed in the love, my breath seem to leave me as I wandered into this new land.  Strangely it  looked and felt familiar.   

There were so many other spirits that seem to know me too.  We all had been together from the beginning, so very long ago, and everyone was waiting for me to return.  It was a long and arduous journey but eventually the music only I seem to hear, or so I thought, led me here.  Now my spirit flies, dances and basks in all the goodness....for  the Kingdom of God is filled with a glory that is magical, divine, and fulfills like nothing else can.   A beautiful buffet, the Kings and Queens ball,  in a castle made of angel dust just for me, and anyone else who cares to come and dine with the very best. 

Holy Spirit Healing and Transformation

For myself I have found being a member of the Church, and being baptized a constant experience of healing and transformation because of having the Holy Spirit.  Ultimately we are meant to live as the pure, happy, innocent, beautiful Divine beings of Heavenly Father.  However, living outside the Gospel, comitting sins and having sins done to us, definitely covers up some of our Divinity with layers of darkness, hardness, pain, fear etc.  So coming into the Kingdom on earth as I have, means a stripping off of these false layers that don't belong there, that hide the beauty and grace of my spirit. 

I'm sure lots of people live this way, but quite unconsciously, with out the Holy Spirit we don't even notice these layers, but with the Holy Spirit it's like wearing a few big coats that we don't need.  The materials are rough, they are heavy, dark, suffocating, interfering with our joy and peace.  Not that pretty, definitely takes away from our beauty. 

Again this is where Jesus comes in.  Only he can truly free us from these false layers.  The Holy Spirit lets us know they are there, and Jesus takes them from us when we become aware.  Our spirits don't want to be buried under these false layers, to the spirit they are extremely uncomfortable.  So like a flower rising up from under a million weeds, we are then freed up to be the Divinity we are.  Energetically I have completely felt the layers, the uncomfortableness, and the removing of the layers.  Of course awareness comes first and that is not fun, but the good news is that everything and anything can be healed, transformed, removed and beautified.  

 One of my favorite experiences is seeing how much the energy changes when you wash something clean.  Beauty emerges, whether it's us, a plate, a floor, a sink, dishes, whatever it is, the transmutation of something being dirty being washed clean is miraculous.  And it can always be done.  Of course the longer the dirt is there, the harder it is.   It does take longer, is a bigger process, but still totally possible.  With Jesus Christ all is possible.  The Lord wants nothing better than to have us live as the highest version of ourselves.  So He is very willing to help us achieve that.  We are blessed indeed! 

Today I allow the Holy Spirit to show me the false layers that hide the beauty of my true spirit.  I will then embrace the Savior's healing, love and power to free myself to live as the Divine children of Heaven. 

The Past and the Spirit

Having the Holy Spirit really has made me accutely aware of what is of God and what isn't, what is of the light, what isn't, what is love, and what isn't.  The Holy Spirit gives us incredible clarity, like someone has turned on the light.  Now this is joyous, because truly it is like having the "light" turned on.  As we fill up with the Spirit and do the things that make the Spirit large in our lives, we become iluminated, we radiate the light.  I remember the week I got baptized, a couple of days later a total stranger came up to me and said "I don't mean to be invasive, but you are soooo beautiful!"  then she said "it's not just your looks, it's that you radiate a light that is incredible!"  I had seen and experienced this light at church when I was investigating it, and in the members.  It was amazing to hear that I too had this light a mere two days after being baptized. 

What also happens as we have the Holy Spirit and this light is turned on, we also can become very aware of all the ways we lived outside the light, or lived outside of God's world before we were baptized.  I found this happening to me.  I remember when I went for my Temple interview our Stake President said something like that.  That once we are baptized we can see so clearly that we see the past in a totally different way and can become accutely aware of things that weren't right, the things we did outside the Gospel that were wrong, that hurt us or others.  This can cause us some distress.  Well he was right. 

We really get it; once we are baptized.  I found going to the Temple has even upped this even more.  It does take us to a much higher place spiritually and then we become even clearer, purer, and more aware of what is right and what is wrong.  In a world where right and wrong have become so skewed and it's now a free for all, we can really do things before we are baptized and intake a lot of darkness and feel quite numb about it because we were ignorant to the truth, blinded really.  These things are not even unacceptable in society's eyes, what has become normal on TV, in movies, in books and magazines, on the internet are completely outside God's Kingdom, yet because people are so desensitized they don't seem wrong or hurtful to our spirits at all.  It's all seen as fine, ok.  We are foolishly led. 

But the Holy Spirit does turn the light on, both in joy and in spiritual clarity.  On one hand it's great not to feel numb, to not to be in denial, and to not be ignorant anymore, but at the same time, healing is needed once you get to the stage of seeing so clearly.  This is where Jesus Christ comes in.  He is our Saviour and He is the great healer and redeemer.  The longer I am in the church, the longer I have the Holy Spirit, the more I grow spiritually, the clearer I get about the Truth, the more I can see why we so desperately need Jesus Christ, to heal, to redeem, to forgive, to restore us to the pure, innocent, happy beings we were when we were born. 

So much of our culture really creates layers of hardness, and numbness over all that innocence, purity and happiness.  We have become desenstized so we can't feel the pain we are causing our spirits, until we have the Holy Spirit.  Thank goodness a way has been made for us, to receive this spiritual clarity through the Holy Spirit, and also the healing and restoration we need through Jesus Christ.  I am blessed to be where I am spiritually.  I truly do thank God for it.

I am allowing the Savior, Jesus Christ, to wash away all the negatives of my life, past and present, allowing me to live clean, clear, pure, innocent, and shimmering with happiness once again!  

Kindness; A Moment by Moment Choice

I really was aware today how much kindness is a choice that we must make every day.  There are so many times when people can test our patience or not act as lovingly as we would like.  I had several challenges today where I was at a cross roads in kindness.  I would love to say I always made the perfect choice, I didn't.  But luckily sometimes I did.  Tonight was a perfect example I was just trying to get info on what bus to take early in the morning, and the information guy at the bus station kept insisting that the stop I was asking for didn't exist, and that the roads where I said I would be in the morning didn't cross etc. I knew this was totally wrong, that I was totally right.  He even tried to make me look stupid with the "don't you know where you are?" comment.  Now sometimes in life I don't know where I am, LOL I have no sense of direction.  But this was not one of those times.  I knew exactly where I was, and what street crossed with what etc. 

Then after arguing with me about this for quite a bit of time, he realized his mistake and realized he was completely wrong and I was right.  I definitely felt frustrated by this interaction yet I realized people make mistakes, it's unfortunate he got a bit cocky before realizing he was wrong.  I felt even a bit bad for him, because it is embarrassing to think you are right, be cocky about it, and then find out you are the one that is mistaken. 

So I had a choice of being self righteous or giving the guy a break and being kind.  He had to eat a bit of humble pie which we have all had to do at some point in our lives, we have all been in these situations.  I know I have.  So there was my choice as he was apologizing and feeling stupid, after frustrating me for about 10 minutes, what was I going to do?  In the end I decided to be cheery, and kind and help him to not feel so bad.  I can honestly say being self righteous often feels like the human natural response but kindness feels better.  Much better.  We ended our conversation on a positive note.  Once again I was aware that living in the light is the way to go.  It's not always easy, but always feels right to our spirits.  Our spirits feel at home in the light, and anything else really feels like swallowing a foreign object, similar to swallowing a nail, or a wrench.  One response, self righteousness,  feels natural  (again the natural man) and the other response, the kind one, the highest one, is of the spirit and feels beautiful, peaceful and happy. 

I choose kindness today.  I know that as I am kind, I not only bless others, I bless myself by living in the light and in the Spirit.  Kindness equals happiness period.

Innocence and Our Spirit

Well I have to say, I am amazed with how much our spirits are innocent and need innocence to feel happy.  When I say innocent I mean devoid of guilt and devoid of harshness, sin, immorality, darkness etc.  So much of the world is in denial of this.  There are just layers and layers of denial and buffers that keep people from feeling the damage they are doing when they fill their spirits with anything but innocence.  I know I have done this myself.  In this culture at this time art is almost seen as not worthy unless it's dark. 

Movies, books, music are almost more appreciated and seen as more real and deep if it is dark and negative, or has sexual explicit and graphic scenes and words.  How tragic for our spirits that truly want innocence, purity, light, happiness.  I was not aware of this to extent I am now until I got baptized in The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Once this happened I was then given the Holy Spirit and wow, does the Spirit ever let me know the truth, and has taken off the buffers and the layers of denial.  Now I can feel the truth.  As spirits created in God's image we are made of light, purity, innocence, goodness and love.  We need to be reading, listening, looking at, thinking about, and speaking about this and nothing else.  Anything contrary to this totally corrupts our spirits and hurts us tremendously.  Jesus Christ can and does heal but only if we totally repent, turn away from all the darkness and sin and truly comitt to living in the light, holiness goodness and righteousness.   

I now fill myself with the light, with things that are innocent, pure, holy, gentle, kind, loving and happy.  I now protect my spirit by only ingesting the things that are worthy of me, knowing I am a Divine, child of God created in His image and deserving to be loved with the very best, the most innocent, the most love. the greatest goodness there is. 

Beauty Of The Spirit

I have watched 3 church movies in the last while.  Two of them had a lot of contention in a good portion of the film.  The other one was about people's misunderstandings of what the LDS church is.  But I noticed that in the first two when it came to the part of people truly sharing the truth, and people getting baptized, the Spirit was so beautiful, so touching, it made my soul stop in my tracks and just feel the Spirit, and truly know that God lives.  

The last movie where it was about people's misunderstandings of the church, finally they interviewed a girl who had joined a while back, she was a convert like me.  The joy she expressed, the gratitude she had for being able to find and join the church was deeply touching.  She had lived in Germany when the wall was up, so joining the church was not easy, but she bubbled over with happiness at finding it.  Again I could feel the Spirit so tangibly when the truth of the church was being conveyed, and people were expressing either their gratitude of joining or you could see the joy of someone being baptized.

I noticed that the Spirit truly does cut through contention, negativity, pain, anger, misunderstanding and indifference.  It really does bring the beauty of Heaven to earth.  Our souls know and feel it.  In all 3 of these scenes where the Spirit came, I could just feel the tears of my spirit welling up.  The Spirit touches us so deeply in a place where we remember Heaven, where we remember Jesus Christ, and Heavenly Father.  Where we remember the beautiful world we came from.  It is a powerful place, yet a very gentle, kind and happy place.  No peace is greater.  I know I often cry in relief when I can feel the Spirit.  

My soul is relieved to feel the purity, beauty, innocence, goodness and light of the Spirit.  In contrast to the negativity I can produce, or am faced with in the world each day, my soul is so grateful to feel the light of Heaven.  This is why it is so important to fill ourselves with the Spirit all day, by partaking in the things that bring the Spirit to us.  By being baptized in the Holy Spirit we have it with us at all times, but only if we do the things that keeps the Spirit happy do we have it with us.  Having the Spirit with us each day, is like living in Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Morning continuously.  Truly this no better way to live!  

I keep the Spirit with me all day by partaking in only those things that keep the Spirit happy, so it stays as my constant companion, filling me with breathtaking light, love, peace, joy and brilliance!

Feeding The Spirit

Well, today I was reading many past conference talks and also was contemplating on living in the Spirit or not.  I once heard a Native story about a Grandfather that was talking to his grandson and he said he had two wolves that lived with in him, one of darkness and one of light and they were always at war.  The Grandson said to his Grandfather, "which one is going to win?"  and the Grandfather replied, which ever one I feed.  

I would say this story applies to us with the Spirit and the natural man.  Both are present and both want attention, and both will become bigger or smaller depending on which one we feed.  I have noticed whenever I am sitting and I see a whole ton of seagulls, there are always a couple that are much bigger than all the rest.  What I have observed is these bigger ones are the ones that make sure they get most of the food.  They are big for a reason.  

This is true also with the Spirit or the natural man.  If we feed the natural man, then we are ruled by this part of our self and it gets bigger and bigger and the Spirit gets smaller and smaller.  If we are feeding this part of us, and letting it run the show it will always lead us away from the Spirit and into endless addictions and appetites which can never fulfill us or truly make us happy. The natural man wants to feed our wounded selves with more dysfunction that only creates more wounds, where the Spirit transforms and heals our wounds, letting us be free!  Feeding the Spirit, allowing that to be the biggest part of us, helping it to rule us, will always lead us to what makes us most happy, peaceful and healthy.  

The Spirit is plugged into God.  It is plugged into the beautiful light, glory, love, happiness, goodness and peace of Heaven.  The natural man is plugged into the adversary, and the world.  This is why the Spirit must take control of the natural man and guide it.  Then we can live on the earth in ways that are most healthy and happy for us.  The adversary wants to make us miserable and take us down with him.  Of course he is not going to bluntly advertise this, or let us know what he is up to.  He presents to our natural man, packages that sparkle, that promise fulfillment, he says things to us like "well its only natural, everyone is doing it, if it didn't feel good, it wouldn't be right" if we harken to his voice we then follow his path, and much like Hansel and Gretal following a path to a gingerbread house that looks like it has wonderful treats in store, we find ourselves eventually in rusty chains of darkness, imprisoned by captors, where we can not easily break free.  

Addictions, cravings, attractions, temptations to sin will always be here.  Just because we feel these things, or are drawn to these things, does not mean we need to succumb.  We can cry out to God and Jesus Christ and say just how tempted we feel, just how weak we feel in our natural man.  We can ask for help.  The more we do that, although, the natural man will always be there, it will get smaller and smaller.  We have to decide which part of us we want to make strong.  The one that will love us, or hurt us.  The Spirit will always love us, the natural man part will ultimately hurt us.  This is where we need to choose wisely.  It is becoming more challenging to stay away from that which simply feeds the natural man and stomps out the Spirit.  TV, movies, books, music, magazines, photographs, and advertising bombards us with sin and debauchery everywhere we turn. 

So we do have to be quite diligent if we are going to protect ourselves.  Immersing ourselves in the things of Spirit are essential.  Reading scripture daily and through out the day.  Praying, reading the Ensign, listening to beautiful, pure music, hanging out with people who support our standards and who also have the Spirit as much as possible.  Doing family home evenings, going to church, going to the various conferences, participating in as many activities in the church as we can.  Doing our Visiting and Home Teaching, doing our Callings.  None of us are perfect with all of this, I certainly am not, but really making all of this a priority, and feeding the Spirit all day will get us safely home back to where we wanted to go when we decided to come here in the first place.  Back to Heavenly Father, to the Celestial Kingdom.  All you have to do is spend time in the Temple particularly the Celestial room, and it really helps us remember our ultimate destination.

I am now spending my time feeding the Spirit in many glorious, fun, joyous, and beautiful ways.  The Spirit in me is getting stronger and bigger because I am partaking throughout my day in all the things that the Spirit loves!  As I do this, I am truly loving and caring for myself.  I am giving myself the greatest gift of happiness.

Jesus Christ

Today I was feeling very grateful for knowing Jesus Christ, and having him in my life.  Its so wonderful to be able to feel his holy, good and loving presence whenever I pray, or read scripture, listen to holy music.  I really appreciate all the beautiful pieces of art and various church movies that we have in our church that helps us know him more

My first experience of him as an adult was when I had big argument with a friend in my late 20's and in those days I felt so distraught by any conflict.  My friend had to go to work and so it would be hours before we could resolve anything.  I felt filled with anxiety and emotional pain I couldn't seem to stop or control.  I asked Jesus to help me. I didn't ask for anything specific, just help.  A peace flooded over me that was surprising, and definitely not me.  I had never had this experience before.  This peace stayed with me all day.  When I shared this experience with the friend it really was the beginning of our relationship to Jesus Christ.  Over time I came to understand that he is not just a fictional character, but was and is the Savior of the world, a great friend, wonderful brother, and truly the power of Heaven brought to earth.  

There are some who try and say he was just another great teacher like all the others, but of course this is from those who don't know him.  He is the only one that can take away the darkness, pain, and sicknesses created by the negativity of the world, created by our own thoughts, words, actions.   He truly delivers us, rescues us, frees us, and beautifies our lives once again, so we can live as the pure, innocent, beautiful, divine children of God we were born to live.  It is through him we are brought home.  There is no one else ever created who could do that for us.  He was and is the one perfect person, therefore I can trust his words, teachings and example.  I know that if I follow him, I am then enabled and empowered to live the very best life, the highest version of myself there is.  I am blessed to know him and have him in my life as my Savior. 

I now focus on Jesus Christ, and allow myself to be enveloped by his great love for me.  I feel in touch with the Heavenly realm through having a personal relationship to him. 

Narrow is the road

I have discovered for myself how true it is, that if we are to live holy, pure, innocent, lives of goodness and light, to remain true to God's commandments, we really do need to walk the narrow path.  This is the path of happiness!  The narrow path is sticking to what the Lord has told us to do and not do.  Same with the Church.  I trust the General Authorities.  They live successfully on every level, way beyond what most people live, and so I trust their guidance and wisdom.  They have said over and over to stay off the wide road, for it leads us astray and helps us get lost.  We need to surround ourselves with those things that support us living in the Gospel.  I know in my spirit I feel so much better, clearer, happier when I am only allowing those things that protect my spirit, and feed my spirit the things of God's kingdom to surround me or come into my being. 


Just as I would not allow a child to be subjected to things that are of the adversary, things of the dark, things that corrupt their souls, things that take away their innocence, why would I do this to myself?  We all are innocent, pure children of God.  Just because we are in an adult package, doesn't mean our spirits are any less vulnerable, any less hurt by the things that are outside God's kingdom. 


The narrow road is where we stay safe, and close to the things of God's kingdom, the wide road is where the adversary waits to pull us astray, like a wolf hiding behind the bushes. Walk this road and we can get lost and perhaps never make our way back home.   For myself this has been my life long lesson, starting from when I was a child.  In my ignorance I many times left the narrow path, thinking I was giving myself freedom to explore, experiment, have fun, to enjoy the diversity of life, but what I was really doing was leading myself astray.  I have had to find my way back a couple of times, and its hard once you are lost. 


 But the good news is God is always waiting.  The bad news is, a long the way we can hurt ourselves, and collect a lot of negativity, hardness, hurt, and chip away at our innocence which is painful to the spirit. 


All this can be repaired but each time it takes longer and once we are back on track we then can really feel the damage we have caused ourselves.  When we are off track there are lots of buffers, and denial so we don't feel or see what we are really doing to ourselves, but once we are back, the light is turned on, and we can see clearly, and feel deeply what we have done.  Healing, forgiveness, restoration are always available, but its better to just stay safe and not hurt our spirits in the first place.


My message to myself and anyone reading this, is its not worth it.  Stay on the narrow path, it is the path of self love, it is the path of happiness, it protects our precious innocence, and truly it is the path that our spirits intended to stay on when we came here.  Surround ourselves with people and things that totally feed our souls all the things of God's kingdom. 


 I know for myself once I joined the church the Holy Spirit has guided me to give up TV shows and movies I use to watch, certain music, even people who were not living lives that were intune with Christ and God's Kingdom. 


 At first it can seem hard, but I can honestly say that every time I removed something like this from my life, I felt soooooo good in my spirit, relieved, free, lifted up spiritually.  It has been the process of restoring any parts of my innocence that was lost.  As I surround myself and feed myself with the things of God's Kingdom and be rid of anything that is not, I feel incrediblly happy and relieved in my spirit, truly a sense of being home. 

Today I immerse myself in things of God's Kingdom, knowing this is ultimate happiness, this is ultimate self kindness and care.  I treat myself as Heavenly Father sees and treats me; as a precious, divine child.

Seeking To Bless

Have you ever noticed that when we bless someone, and truly do something good for them, we feel happy too?  I taught a Relief Society lesson a couple of months ago on Who Did You Help Today?  I made up a sheet where every day we could write down who we blessed, what we did, what the outcome was, and what we learned.  I handed them out to everyone.  Now I don't know if anyone is still using their's, but I am.  Since that day, I have been filling mine out every night.  I added to it since then, also the same questions on who blessed me that day.  So every night I write out who I blessed, how and what happened, and the same for who blessed me. 

I have learned so much from filling this sheet out every night.  Mostly that when we bless others, it not only makes them happy, but it makes us happy too.  This is why Jesus always commanded us to love no matter what.  He knew that love makes us happy.  When we love in our thoughts, words, and deeds we are happy.  When we don't, we make ourselves miserable.  Its as simple as that.  Love equals happiness. 

Our scriptures tell us to "seek to do good".  This is different than just doing good if it happens to be infront of us.   Seeking to do good I think means looking for ways to do good every day.  A great prayer I sometimes say in the morning is "Lord please show me who to bless today, or bring someone my way to bless, or who should I bless today?"  Then an opportunity always comes.  Blessing others is truly one of the greatest ways to fill the world with happiness.  We bring happiness to others, and happiness to our souls as we bless, truly the best gift we can ever give ourselves is to be vessels of love that is filled up and over flowing.  There is no greater joy!  Being love, is the greatest act of self love there is. 

I now seek to do good each day, looking for people to bless, looking for ways to bless, enjoying being a channel of the Savior's love. 

Being Clean Inside

I have noticed since I now have the Holy Spirit, I am given very strong messages when I need to clean things up in life, or relationships.  I recently went through an upset with someone.  For a couple of days, I noticed the Holy Spirit pressing on me inside about one part of the upset where there had been a misunderstanding, really letting me know I needed to apologize and clear this part up.  I did want to apologize but I was afraid of being yelled at, treated harshly or abusively.  

At first I ignored the prompting, out of fear.  But the Holy Spirit wouldn't let me go.  I could feel that I wasn't going to ever feel really clear, clean and peaceful if I didn't clean this up.  I wrote an apology letter and cleared up the misunderstanding, and they ended up writing me and apologizing too.  I wrote the letter, no matter how they were going to respond, because I cared about their feelings, I just knew it was important for my integrity, my spiritual peace to write it.  

I still really expected abusive words back, or at the very best indifference.  So often in relationships and conflicts, keeping our power and pride in tact, or being concerned with how they will respond takes precedence over being humble and loving.  But I realized through this, that I have to live with my soul, and it needs to be pure and clean or I am not spiritually happy.   

The other person has to live with themselves, so what they do or don't do is really their concern.  What is most important is that I am following what I know is right, being Christ like in all situations, and being willing to pour love upon a conflict as much as I can, even if it means simply praying for the person. 

 I have learned I can't always be close to people, there are people who are too hurtful, or unhealthy to be close to, but I can always pray, always bless, forgive, make amends if needed.  Being a force of love and goodness really does bring us happiness and peace. 

I now am a force for good, always.  I look for ways to pour Christlike love into all situations in my life, especially ones where there has been conflict or a riff between myself and another.  No matter what they do, I do what is right, what is kind, what is good.

God Always Tries to Give Us A Way Out

I have noticed from my life, and the lives of others, that God always tries to give us a way out of sin.  In his great love, mercy and compassion for us, He always tries to help and save us when He can see we are heading for a fall, or about to committ a sin, or allow darkness into our lives that is only going to hurt us, and pull us down, and away from goodness.   

When I was about 13 I started to become agnostic.  I had been raised Christian but was no longer feeling comfortable with the churches I had been going to as a child, and was feeling confused, full of doubt even feeling afraid of God.  So eventhough I had been a very spiritual child, I was losing any faith I had. 

 My childhood faith was no longer holding up as I developed into a teenager.  I was at this point an agnostic soon becoming an athiest.  I had been a very pure, innocent child, and I was starting to throw this away and was being drawn over to the dark side of life.  Right at the time I ended up getting neighbours who were members of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints.  They obviously could see that I was a spiritual person, but was turned off the religions of my child hood, and was starting to believe that the things of the dark were going to be fulfilling for me. 

Looking back now I can see this was one the biggest spiritual battles in my life.  I didn't know that at the time.  I was a naive child, who thought I knew what I was doing.   Now I can see that once I had let go of my faith, the adversary swooped in and God was also trying to swoop in to save me.  Here was the chance I had to join the true church of Jesus Christ.  I didn't know it was any different than what I had been raised in, and I had found too much negativity in what I had been raised in.  It seemed very harsh, and I was running from this. 

The last thing I wanted was another church.  Of course I didn't understand that this church was what my spirit actually truly wanted.  These people tried to help me and influence me for quite awhile.  But I turned away and went into the dark, thinking I was giving myself ultimate happiness.  I remember the night they finally resigned themselves and said to me "it looks like you have made your decision."  they sounded so sad.  I couldn't understand their sadness and inwardly I mocked it. 

Of course they knew I was taking a path that was going to bring me lots of misery.  They were right.  I now can see that God was using them to try and save me. He was trying to save me from getting lost, from being taken into the adversary's hands.  Unfortunately I was ignorant of what was happpening.  So off I went, and of course found out all too late that I had walked down the wrong path. 

Well after being on a 30 year detour, once again, He came a long and brought The Church Of Jesus Christ my way, this time I was more than ready.  After exhausting every other possible path and religion, I was finally introduced to this church again, and this time I let myself be saved. 

I have observed this in much smaller ways and in my life and in others' lives too, that He does try to help us not get lost, tries to make a way out of sin for us, does try to swoop in and offer us the light when it looks like we are going to fall into the dark. 

Of course He doesn't force us, we have to make that decision ourselves, we have been given this freedom to choose, but He always offers us the way out, and its up to us to take it.  Those of us who are baptised in The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, do have the Holy Spirit with us, to guide us, direct us, and let us know when we are going the right way or the wrong way.  

 I can say from personal experience that nothing is more effective than feeling the Spirit withdraw as we are going in the wrong direction.  It feels very painful and so its a very good gage to help us stay in the light, and stay on the path of goodness.  Unfortunately, once people have gotten use to walking in the dark, they become desensitized, so they no longer recognize that they are in the dark.  The dark becomes normal, so sin becomes normal.  Our spirits are still suffering we just don't realize it. 

 The good news is God wants us to succeed, wants nothing more than our happiness, so He does do all He can to save us, help us, show us the right path.  We are never alone, and if one gets baptized in The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints, we definitely are never alone.  We have the a relationship to Heavenly Father through the Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ, The Holy Scriptures, The Prophet, the Priesthood, the Temple, and whole ton of spiritual support from our brothers and sisters in the church.  We are blessed and immensely loved! 

Today I will turn my face towards the light, and listen to God, listen to His guidance, and protection, knowing that I am deeply loved. Knowing that through God we can have the greatest happiness in the universe!

Speaking Spiritual Truth

I am realizing how important it is to speak spiritual truth.  I heard a message from Heavenly Father that only if we speak spiritual truth, can people feel the Spirit, and hear the Spirit testify in their spirits the truth.  If we hold back, then we are with holding the Spirit from them.  I have to say, the only way I got baptised was because people spoke the truth to me, and yes I could feel and hear the Spirit in what they were saying.  This testified to me, and made me want to get baptized. 

Also, I am learning we compromise our spiritual strength when we keep quiet and do not say what the Spirit wants us to say.  We are strengthened in the Spirit, in our walk with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, in our relationship to the Church, the more we speak spiritual truth, the more we share our testimony, the more we share what we have learned is true.  I realize now we do no one favors by with holding it.  Also, how real are our relationships if we are simply pretending and not saying what we know is true.  My experience is our lives become authentic, and we feel more firmly planted in the Gospel as we speak the truth. 

In our world where there is so much non-truth being condoned, it can be challenging, and I don't always find it easy.  But yet I know this is part of being a follower of Christ.  Part of being a member of the Church is to say what we know is true.  Often I pray before hand and ask the Holy Spirit to speak through me.  Then the words pour in power and love.  Its an amazing experience to write or speak words directly from the Spirit. 

 It really is an opportunity to bless, help and love people in the way that is most needed.  People need to hear the truth that we know, and we need to be willing to share it.  We can't always know what impact our words will have on them.  It may look like it goes into deaf ears, or resistant ears, even angry ears, but I know the times in my life when I have heard truth, it has always stayed with me and eventually changed me. 

I am now willing to tell the Truth of the Gospel, of God's love, of the Church, of all the Spiritual Truths I have learned, knowing as I do this, I am loving and blessing others, and enabling them to feel the Spirit.

Stop It! A New Life of Freedom

Well, I have had a life changing experience over the last few days.  I can see it has come about because I have prayed and prayed for some changes to occur in my life.  I also do an intending process, where I "intend" certain things in my life.  This is one of the ways I use my agency and choose what I want.  I have really wanted to be free of my emotional hindrances.  The Holy Spirit has helped me more and more to understand that they don't belong in me, that they are foreign objects that do not belong to a Divine, child of God.


I read 2 books awhile back, one is called A Complain Free Life, and the other Complain Free Relationships.  Since then I have signed up to the Complain Free site on facebook.  They send me things regularly.  Well, a recent one was a very funny skit from Mad TV called Stop It, with Bob Newhart.


 He plays a counselor and a woman with much the same problems as me comes in and tells him her problems and he says he has two words for her.  Then he yells "Stop It!".  Its very funny, but also very profound as well. I laughed but then I really felt a shift just watching this.  He wouldn't allow her to go into all the past about why she did what she did, and be all complicated, he just kept saying "stop it" to whatever she said she did in her life that was dysfunctional. 


I have started using these words on myself, in a kind cheery voice, but still saying them any time I start to think negative thoughts that would then put me into a negative emotional state.  Truly just doing this for the last few days, has cleared me of so many problems.  I realized from all this that since I was a child I have been thinking negative things that made me feel bad.  Really abusing myself with my thoughts. 


So now I am not letting myself do this anymore and wow, all I can say is I am a new person.  This was such an answer to prayer, and it reminds me of what Apostle Paul and all the General Authorities have said " think of things that are lovely, pure and true."  Well by saying "stop it" to all the negative thinking, now I have lots of room, and space to think about what is "pure, lovely and true".  It really does all start with our thinking.    Saying "stop it" takes us out of our heads, and just stops that whole process, and puts us into reality, and stops the whole negative cycle of thinking, which then stops the negative emotional cycle.  Truly we can cripple ourselves by filling our minds, which then fills our emotions with negativity. 


I have felt healthier and more balanced than I have ever felt in my whole life by doing this.  So this is what I have noticed in life.  When we are truly open to change, healing, transformation and we truly cry out to God for it, it comes.  This has happened to me over and over again.  God wants us to be our best, happiest and healthiest selves and will use whatever it takes to get us there.  We do need to be willing.  But I imagine that God is waiting for us to be ready, because he won't take our agency away, but as soon as we even hint we are ready He swoops in! 

I now instantly stop all negativity from visiting or making a home in my mind.  I now love and care for myself gently by allowing only that which is lovely, pure and true to reside in me, freeing my spirit, allowing my happiness and peace to flow brilliantly!

Be Gentle, Don't Strive

2Timothy 2:24 The servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men....

I received this as my scripture for the day a couple of days ago.  I instantly understood what it meant for me.  Someone else may interpret it differently.  

  Through out my day, often I am striving to get my needs met, which usually means competing with others, pushing my way through life, trying succeed, or get resources I need etc.  In our earthly survival mode this is how most of the people and our world works.  However, if we truly are a servant of the Lord, then there is no place for this kind of striving.  Gentleness truly is the way.  After I read this passage and wrote about it in my journal, I then was determined to practise it as I went about my day. 

The first challenge and probably my greatest was the bus.  Usually packed, I am usually only concerned with getting a seat.  But I decided to put gentleness into practise and let go of striving.  My first experience was letting a very tough looking woman go on the bus before me despite the fact I was there first. 

She was hesitant to go in front of me, even though I motioned for her to get on before me.  I smiled at her, and then she smiled and thanked me and looked genuinely surprised and quite touched. 

It was a small act of kindness yet I could see she felt truly loved by someone letting her on ahead of them, and being kind to her.  Who knows how this will impact her.  We had a sweet exchange that left a warm feeling in my heart that stayed with me until now, I can still feel it.  That was worth way more than getting the best seat.  Interestingly, I have noticed that when I am gentle and kind, and put that first, I actually receive a lot of appreciation, as well as many many gifts, way beyond what I would normally get from striving. 

As a servant, friend, and brother and sister of Jesus Christ, I now thoroughly enjoy being a vessel of gentleness and kindness towards myself, and all those I come in contact with.  I seek ways to express the love of Christ in my home, and out into the world. 

God Has The Very Best For Us

I found myself writing to a friend today this very statement.  God has the very best for us, He is waiting to give it to us, and sometimes we take hold of things that are less than the best because of fear we won't get our needs met.  God sees us as princesses and princes becoming Queens and Kings.  He wants us to only do and be part of things that honour us as Divine Beings, created in God's image, children of the Most High. 

No person can keep our good from us.  If we truly turn to Him, He will make sure that we receive all the wonderful blessings that are in store for us. 

As we follow His counsel, as we obey His commandments, do the things that fill us with the Spirit, bring ourselves close to Him, we can then touch the Kingdom and be in the best position to recognize the blessings He has for us, and be in the best position to receive them.  We can fill ourselves and our lives with substandard things that don't really fulfill us down to our spirits, or we can fill ourselves with the righteous and good things that the Lord wants us to have.  The beautiful, pure, holy, innocent, wholesome, joyful, peaceful things.

 It is our choice, we are free.  Since all beings seem to want happiness, hopefully we go for the highest and the best.  For these are the things that will bring us the most happiness.  These are the things the Lord has reserved just for us, all we need to do is open up and receive them, and only take the things that the Lord has, not stoop down and take the things that are not worthy of us. 

Today I will draw near to the Lord and receive only the things that He has for me, knowing that these are my greatest blessings!