Recently when I was struggling with a problem, I could really feel what it is like to feel separate from God. I realized that this is what depression, and anxiety is. I use to be clinically depressed, it started when I was 18. I remember the moment it started in fact. Those with limited understanding will say that what causes depression or anxiety is brain chemistry. Yes our brain chemistry does change when we get depressed or anxious, this is not a cause but a result. Then there are those who only approach it from a psychological place, seeing it as only an emotional problem. Again yes emotions are brought down into darkness and/or put into fear which is what happens when we are depressed or anxious. However, again this is not the cause, but a result. The cause of these experiences comes from doing things that create spiritual pain, separation from God and living in any way that is out of alignment with our spirits.
Our spirits are happy, peaceful, loving, pure, innocent and divine. When we think, speak, participate in anything that is out of alignment with our spirits and these qualities, our spirits feel upset. When we continue to do these things for a long time, that is what causes depression and anxiety. That is what depression and anxiety truly is. An upset spirit.
When we allow in darkness through some kind of means, our spirits do not at all feel comfortable with darkness, and in fact will feel a lot of pain and fear, even panic if we are immersing ourselves in darkness.
At this point in our society in the name of "realism" darkness has become normal. Our movies, TV shows, books, art of all kinds are almost not seen as deep, intellectually advanced or even exciting if they are not dark in some way. Of course this is nothing more than the adversary trying to get an audience, infiltrating our minds, hearts and bodies with his negativity.
Unfortunately now it is almost inescapable. We have become so numb and desensitized that what was considered shocking and repulsive even a few years ago, is now considered acceptable. Yet our spirits which are made in the image and likeness of Heavenly Father, which is made of light and all the qualities of Heaven are completely horrified by all this darkness. It is totally hurt by it and yes panicked by it. This is what depression and anxiety really is. Recently Heavenly Father showed me exactly what happened when I was 18. When I became clinically depressed and filled with anxiety it was a result of years of living outside of God's Kingdom and out of alignment with my spirit. It was from years of me living in darkness and partaking in darkness both in the world, and even in my own thoughts and words.
It took 9 years to heal most of this. I learned that I had created the depression and anxiety myself by being a negative person and by living in the darkness I lived in. I healed this by me having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and by me embracing the light that He is, and immersing myself in His light, following him, leading a life that was about living in the goodness that He demonstrated. I took my focus off of the negativity that I use to indulge in, and onto the light of God. As I did this, I started to live in Heavenly Father's Kingdom again, and my spirit got happy and became peaceful.
Now at that time I had not found the full Gospel or the restored church, and I knew I was still not totally in the right place. It was a step in the right direction. I was trying to get back into alignment with my spirit, and with God.
However, now I have found what had been seeking for since I was a child. What my spirit longed for all along. Heavenly Father has showed me it is a pretty simple formula. If we live in the true light of Heaven on earth, with our thoughts, with our words, or actions, what we partake in, we feel happy and peaceful, we are close to Him, we are aligned with our spirits, our spirits are then very happy. If we don't, are spirits are not happy and then feel upset. If we continue over a long time to upset our spirits, we then get depressed and feel chronic anxiety. All of this is about separation from the light of our spirits and from the light of God and Heaven. That is why we can not toy with immorality or the dark, and think it is no big deal. It is very serious, and at first can feel like it has little consequences, but if we continue we will wake up one day and realize that the dark path we kept walking down has now taken us very far away from home, where we are not sure how to get back.
If we reach out to Jesus Christ He will lead us back, but we do have to repent (turn back to God) and we do need to reach out. We all have imperfections, issues, addictions, problems that can take us down wrong roads, so we need to constantly we reaching out for His help. We need to ask for the removal of these things, and continuously ask what we can do to help our problems transform, or cease to be. We need to stay as close as we can to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ through daily scripture reading, prayer, holy music, the Ensign magazine, LDS books and movies, going to church, and hanging out with people who are members so we can feel the Spirit and be supported in living a Gospel life. Our spirits are pure joy, and need the light to experience this joy. Our spirits only feel healthy and happy living in the light.
I live my life in alignment with my Divine nature, my true spirit. I embrace the Gospel, and stay close to Heavenly Father and the Savior Jesus Christ. I immerse my thoughts, words, and actions in the beautiful light of Heaven, knowing it is in this light, goodness and love that my spirit is happy, healthy on all levels and is at home!
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